Your best kayaking putdowns

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Dave Manby
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Post by Dave Manby » Thu Mar 08, 2012 8:35 am

Dominic Gribbon doing a lecture on his trip to Eastern Turkey
"Then the kids started throwing stones at us on the river..>"
Audience member (and one time expedition paddler).
"Just like being in N Wales then"
General audience laughter then the best put down of the heckler by another audience member
"How would you know ********" (Name deleted to protect the guilty)

Much audience laughter.

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morsey
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Post by morsey » Thu Mar 08, 2012 9:09 am

Ranger "You know there is no agreement"
Me "I know, nothing for you to enforce!" :-)

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Croft
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Post by Croft » Thu Mar 08, 2012 9:26 am

Jobsworth: You can't paddle on this reservoir - it's a nature reserve! (Barrage de la Grand Dixence)

Frustrated kayaker: Well that 250 m-high wall of concrete don't look so natural to me!

(PS: I got my coat)
Ian Beecroft - old-timer amateur boater

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Tom_Laws
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Post by Tom_Laws » Thu Mar 08, 2012 9:39 am

Been writing some for Lowri, so you betta check yo'self brother. (They might come in handy for Friday night's presentation/unveiling of the Welsh Rivers II )

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Pete C.
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Post by Pete C. » Thu Mar 08, 2012 9:45 am

Don't get too hung up on the verbal side - the battle format can get physical too. You might find a bit of inspiration here:

Battle tips for new bboys and bgirls

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morsey
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Post by morsey » Thu Mar 08, 2012 9:53 am

When you get to the bottom of the rapid, and all is good, give us a thumbs up. Oh Sorry I forgot you're from Norfolk, wave your paddle instead!

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Tom_Laws
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Post by Tom_Laws » Thu Mar 08, 2012 9:55 am

Pete C. wrote:Don't get too hung up on the verbal side - the battle format can get physical too. You might find a bit of inspiration here:

Battle tips for new bboys and bgirls

Been practicing - Not Safe For Work - Literally - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tp4wEewrQdU

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feelingjustfine
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Post by feelingjustfine » Thu Mar 08, 2012 9:58 am

If you simply observe how our dearly beloved french prick Pierre acts towards most people on rivers (and life for that matter) when he is in a grotty mood then that should give you good inspiration of how to put people down and make them feel bad about themselves...

Of course you always have the token "whats the worst thing about paddling c1?......Having to tell your mum that you're gay!"
dam the dart :)

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Jim
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Post by Jim » Thu Mar 08, 2012 1:56 pm

Pete C. wrote:Don't get too hung up on the verbal side
That's right you can do it without saying a thing, like the time I wrote PTO on the bottom of your boat :-)

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Pete C.
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Post by Pete C. » Thu Mar 08, 2012 2:57 pm

Jim wrote:
Pete C. wrote:Don't get too hung up on the verbal side
That's right you can do it without saying a thing, like the time I wrote PTO on the bottom of your boat :-)
I'd forgotten about that - feel free to let Roo know any tips and tactics!

We've got seven of our eight combatants confirmed:
  • Pete Catterall: Below and beyond Mount Kenya vs. Lowri Davies: Rumble in the Jungle – three weeks in Colombia
  • Sara James: Get up and go – travels with a kayak vs. Andy Evans: Dabbling and Babbling – following the crowd
  • Peter Wood and Tom McLay: Laos, the Mekong and culinary delights vs. TBC
  • David Fairweather: An Indian Easter – exploring Uttrakhand vs. Chris Eastabrook: I left my boat in West Papua
And you can see all the DRF Talk Battle details here.

Dave Manby
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Post by Dave Manby » Thu Mar 08, 2012 8:02 pm

Pete C. wrote:
Jim wrote:
Pete C. wrote:Don't get too hung up on the verbal side
That's right you can do it without saying a thing, like the time I wrote PTO on the bottom of your boat :-)
I'd forgotten about that - feel free to let Roo know any tips and tactics!

We've got seven of our eight combatants confirmed:
  • Pete Catterall: Below and beyond Mount Kenya vs. Lowri Davies: Rumble in the Jungle – three weeks in Colombia
  • Sara James: Get up and go – travels with a kayak vs. Andy Evans: Dabbling and Babbling – following the crowd
  • Peter Wood and Tom McLay: Laos, the Mekong and culinary delights vs. TBC
  • David Fairweather: An Indian Easter – exploring Uttrakhand vs. Chris Eastabrook: I left my boat in West Papua
And you can see all the DRF Talk Battle details here.
Chris - are you looking out Half Man Half Biscuit's song "I left my heart in Papworth general" as a backing track?

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sarajames
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Post by sarajames » Thu Mar 08, 2012 10:38 pm

Its good to hear you are practising your banter. I am somewhat nervous about talking at the Dee Festival, as despite being a teacher, I am not very familiar with speaking to a group of people without being constantly interrupted, argued with or generally ignored.

Every heckle you give me will only make me feel more at home . So bring it on :)

< runs off to hide >

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quicky
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Post by quicky » Fri Mar 09, 2012 11:33 am

Every heckle you give me will only make me feel more at home . So bring it on :)
Now there is a challenge :)

Few More:

You paddle worse than my nan, and she's been worm food for ten years...

Are you going to 'look' like a paddler or 'paddle' like one...

Your boat may be afriad of the water but you seem to embrace it...

are you going to get in your boat today or are you wild swimming?

and from my 10 year old...

Dad can't paddle like he used to... his bum is to big for his boat...

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DaveBland
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Post by DaveBland » Fri Mar 09, 2012 4:38 pm

"You should take up fishing."
dave

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Mark Mulrain
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Post by Mark Mulrain » Fri Mar 09, 2012 10:25 pm

"Here comes Michael Phelps"

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Big Henry
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Post by Big Henry » Sat Mar 10, 2012 2:34 am

"Here comes Rebecca Adlington"

nomorfkindhalbhat
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Post by nomorfkindhalbhat » Sat Mar 10, 2012 8:51 am

A friend of mine when challenged by a fisherman " well how big is the average fish you catch ? and how big is its brain ? and how much time and money do you spend every year trying to catch one ?

Dave Manby
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Post by Dave Manby » Sat Mar 10, 2012 10:21 am

On the Ogwen.
Fisherman to paddlers "You shouldn't be on this river"
Paddler to Fisherman "You shouldn't be so fat"

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Tom_Laws
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Post by Tom_Laws » Sat Mar 10, 2012 10:23 am

Closest you've come to getting laid is paddling a Noah Playmate.

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SwamP
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Post by SwamP » Sat Mar 10, 2012 11:20 am

"Its ok lads, Ryan's portaging this one today cause he's clearly on his period."
Lets not try to understand each other. Thanks.

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leohoare
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Post by leohoare » Sat Mar 10, 2012 11:50 am

"have you sided with the fishermen" ?

hazey
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Post by hazey » Sat Mar 10, 2012 2:52 pm

DaveBland wrote:
Kayakingrick wrote:Isn`t this a form of bullying, that everyone is trying to discourage?
Ah, shut up or I'll beat you up.
love it

C1-Dom
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Post by C1-Dom » Mon Mar 12, 2012 9:58 am

Ah Mr Manby! How are things old chap? I remember the occasion well....even in my most family friendly Michael McIntyre mode I was lost for an appropriately reciprocal rebuff. What a rabble that audience was!!

Best

Dom

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Pyro
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Post by Pyro » Tue Mar 13, 2012 1:20 pm

sarajames wrote:I am not very familiar with speaking to a group of people without being constantly interrupted, argued with or generally ignored.
And we gave you plenty of practice at that in LUUCC. Nae kicking anyone in the nadgers this time though, eh? ;)
-------
Pyro's Yard - Random Wafflings

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Flo
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Post by Flo » Wed Mar 14, 2012 7:18 pm

"I see, so the boat was just slowing you down then?"

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Voodoo
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Post by Voodoo » Sun Mar 18, 2012 1:19 pm

" well done !, You managed to make that look realy diffcult "
This is not the repose you are looking for ~ Obi-Wan Kenobi

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