You know you are rubbish when....

Inland paddling
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Tom_Laws
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You know you are rubbish when....

Post by Tom_Laws » Fri Feb 24, 2012 11:50 am

Some more light hearted fun...


You know you are rubbish when...

... your mum has paddled more of the Nile than you.

... passers by comment on your "lovely somersaults" after witnessing the mother of all beatings.

SimonMW
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Re: You know you are rubbish when....

Post by SimonMW » Fri Feb 24, 2012 12:03 pm

... when you catch a rock on a scrapey G1 riffle, capsize in the 0.3ft of water, and still end up pulling the deck.

clarky999
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Re: You know you are rubbish when....

Post by clarky999 » Fri Feb 24, 2012 12:04 pm

You drop your paddles on a bimble to roll your newbie mate back upright, then somehow end up swimming yourself...

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box2k2
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Re: You know you are rubbish when....

Post by box2k2 » Fri Feb 24, 2012 12:19 pm

... lose your paddles in a rescue, capsize, fail to hand roll and get pulled upright by the fresher in the front of the duo

Bod
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Re: You know you are rubbish when....

Post by Bod » Fri Feb 24, 2012 12:40 pm

....you turn up back at Summer Camp with two halves of the Nomad Comanche you were paddling, having previously persuaded the Camp Director that his campers would be perfectly safe on this stretch. (Which I hasten to add they were)

... your mum has paddled more of the Zambezi than you (A recent Uganda trip ended the 'Nile issue'!!!)
John B.

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Mr Hoppy
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Re: You know you are rubbish when....

Post by Mr Hoppy » Fri Feb 24, 2012 1:11 pm

You breathe in whilst being tacked in polo training.....you mess up your hand roll.....you bail..... You tear your shin muscle catching it on the cockpit rim.

You don't go paddling the one weekend there's any water because you have to mind the baby coz your wife's ill and end up doing DIY instead.

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Strad
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Re: You know you are rubbish when....

Post by Strad » Fri Feb 24, 2012 1:22 pm

you've owned a new boat for a week, it hasn't even been outfitted yet, let alone got wet.....
Old School?? I miss my AQII..
Graham Stradling

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freddie
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Re: You know you are rubbish when....

Post by freddie » Fri Feb 24, 2012 3:04 pm

I don't like this "your mum has paddled more of "X" than you" stuff, makes me feel really bad.
Lee Royle
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Poke
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Re: You know you are rubbish when....

Post by Poke » Fri Feb 24, 2012 3:07 pm

freddie wrote:I don't like this "your mum has paddled more of "X" than you" stuff, makes me feel really bad.
Yeah.. I know what you mean...
My mum has boated the Grand Canyon...
I haven't...
That is not right...
Uniyaker - Uni expeditions
Team Pyranha - My adventures

flashollie
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Re: You know you are rubbish when....

Post by flashollie » Fri Feb 24, 2012 3:41 pm

....the deck of your boat is more scratched than the hull.

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DaveBland
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Re: You know you are rubbish when....

Post by DaveBland » Fri Feb 24, 2012 4:10 pm

... you get complacent on a drop you've boofed the hell out of before and forget to engage/lift the legs.

Enjoy the spanking!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fN6z8qe ... ature=mhee[/url]
dave

66quinny66
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Re: You know you are rubbish when....

Post by 66quinny66 » Fri Feb 24, 2012 4:46 pm

... you paddle like me!

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Ieuan Belshaw
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Re: You know you are rubbish when....

Post by Ieuan Belshaw » Fri Feb 24, 2012 4:50 pm

... You try to be a hero and get people/boats/paddles off the chipper and end up swimming yourself...

... Let go of your paddle to pull a pinned fresher off a rock and end up going down the rapid without a hand roll... and swim...
Ieuan :)

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Big Henry
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Re: You know you are rubbish when....

Post by Big Henry » Fri Feb 24, 2012 4:59 pm

...don't need moving water to cause you to swim.

The Old Prospector
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Re: You know you are rubbish when....

Post by The Old Prospector » Fri Feb 24, 2012 6:13 pm

. . . ever you get into a boat. Or is that jut me?
Damien

nomorfkindhalbhat
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Re: You know you are rubbish when....

Post by nomorfkindhalbhat » Fri Feb 24, 2012 6:35 pm

Even my own daughter calls me Aqua muppet !

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TechnoEngineer
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Re: You know you are rubbish when....

Post by TechnoEngineer » Fri Feb 24, 2012 6:43 pm

You get out of your boat, let go of it, watch the current take it away, paddle-swim after it, re-enter and roll, and then find yourself in (semi) control of a submarine....
XL-Burn-3 / Monstar / Kodiak / My Videos

Dave Manby
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Re: You know you are rubbish when....

Post by Dave Manby » Fri Feb 24, 2012 7:21 pm

You get out to scout a rapid, decide to portage and then watch your boat, which has slid into the river, run the rapid (empty) perfectly and upright!

minty
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Re: You know you are rubbish when....

Post by minty » Fri Feb 24, 2012 8:05 pm

My input, you can't roll a Disco in flat water.
DaveBland wrote:... you get complacent on a drop you've boofed the hell out of before and forget to engage/lift the legs.

Enjoy the spanking!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fN6z8qe ... ature=mhee[/url]
I like the "Take some footage blind with the camera" to see what the rescue is going to be.
Ambition and ability I've got too much of one and very little of the other

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DaveBland
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Re: You know you are rubbish when....

Post by DaveBland » Fri Feb 24, 2012 8:33 pm

That was quite the puzzle to sort that pickle out. To be fair the boys did good using the camera to see below the overhang.
dave

minty
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Re: You know you are rubbish when....

Post by minty » Fri Feb 24, 2012 9:13 pm

DaveBland wrote:That was quite the puzzle to sort that pickle out. To be fair the boys did good using the camera to see below the overhang.
Yes, it was innovative thinking and obviously helped with the plan on a difficult rescue.

alick
Ambition and ability I've got too much of one and very little of the other

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Simon
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Re: You know you are rubbish when....

Post by Simon » Fri Feb 24, 2012 11:13 pm

Tom_Laws wrote:Some more light hearted fun...


You know you are rubbish when...
It takes three years to publish a river guide ;-)

If it's not out soon then the bit I wrote for you will be out of copyright before it's even published.

Simon

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Jim_MWX
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Re: You know you are rubbish when....

Post by Jim_MWX » Sun Feb 26, 2012 11:51 am

....you're in an OC1, get pulled into a few branches, go over, try to roll up using the branches, and they just snap in your hand.....
Pro Photographer -www.jimsnape.co.uk
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Richard Gunton
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Re: You know you are rubbish when....

Post by Richard Gunton » Sun Feb 26, 2012 7:43 pm

Spend more time on web, than the river.

SimonMW
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Re: You know you are rubbish when....

Post by SimonMW » Sun Feb 26, 2012 8:01 pm

...don't need moving water to cause you to swim.
Hey, I thought no one was looking!

hardy
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Re: You know you are rubbish when....

Post by hardy » Sun Feb 26, 2012 9:05 pm

......you buy a boat Friday,are one of the leaders on the Saturday grade 3 trip.Big, brown ,fast and allow the others the eddys,hold onto a clump of squidgy soil you mistook for a rock,it crumples to nothing,boat swings out,and you make the stupid mistake of popping the deck,in the belief you can hold the bank,boat and paddle in two hands.(A simple roll would have sorted it).

You then watch the new boat do a Lynford Christie down the river.

You then shamefully go walkies.Find a yellow Redline hauled onto the bank,call very quietly to see if the owner is in the vicinity,hear nothing and take off in it to catch the group.Ten minutes later a search party ask me if i had seen a yellow boat like the one i was in.You own up,and live the shame again.Luckily they asked me to take it to the get out!

You hang your head and squeak out a "thanks" to the people who found your new boat.

Years later,but haunts me still.

-Ginge-
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Re: You know you are rubbish when....

Post by -Ginge- » Sun Feb 26, 2012 9:56 pm

Jim_MWX wrote:....you're in an OC1

andrew butler 101
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Re: You know you are rubbish when....

Post by andrew butler 101 » Mon Feb 27, 2012 12:31 am

-Ginge- wrote:
Jim_MWX wrote:....you're in an OC1
Brilliant.

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TheKrikkitWars
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Re: You know you are rubbish when....

Post by TheKrikkitWars » Mon Feb 27, 2012 1:10 am

-Ginge- wrote:
Jim_MWX wrote:....you're in an OC1
Very droll Jack, You better tell Dooley that.
ONE BLADE, ONE LOVE, [TOO] MANY PIES


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Tom_Laws
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Re: You know you are rubbish when....

Post by Tom_Laws » Mon Feb 27, 2012 9:08 am

Simon wrote:
Tom_Laws wrote:Some more light hearted fun...


You know you are rubbish when...
It takes three years to publish a river guide ;-)

If it's not out soon then the bit I wrote for you will be out of copyright before it's even published.

Simon

Four years Simon. It will be out before the new school year, we have a launch date and everything. All will be revealed at the Dee River Fest, and in the paddling media shortly afterwards.

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