Buy it

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SwamP
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Buy it

Post by SwamP »

FOR SALE – Prijon Pure XL in great condition

Selling my big boat due to addition of baby, loss of sleep, loss of weight, loss of muscle, loss of money, loss of hair, loss of having a life, loss of van and ‘selling’ of soul.

The boat is in good condition and you can Google reviews about it until you heart’s content. Stongest built kayak on the market…apart from the smaller Prijon Pure…and other Prijons.

If you want my personal opinion, again, it’s a massive boat like all massive boats, thus meaning it has masses of air in it, thus meaning it floats very well, especially on water…lesser so in air.

Under your butt all the way to the back, the angle goes to a shallow blunt point. Like every other boat on the market. This means you can land flat on steeper river features, such as waterfalls and pourovers, when you want to land flat. You call it boofing….because when you land you say ‘boof’ (NB no one has ever exhaled the noise ‘boof’ when landing flat. Furthermore if all words were invented by the noise we make when doing them I seriously question what exactly spelunking actually is, and would I need clothes to do it)

If you’re unable to put one paddle stroke in to make yourself land flat, then the nose of the boat is raised and pointy to break through water features with ease. Similar to ‘just making the boat fatter!’ this idiot proof feature is called ‘enhancement of modern boat design’. It’s just a pointy nose that’s raised.


Under your thighs the boat isn’t just round. Also it isn’t just a right-angle. It’s a new concept called, ‘a bit of an edge, on a kinda rounded hull’. You call this semi-displacement I believe…serious you can’t make this sh!t up…

If you’re unable to turn a boat that is marginally longer than your legs, this feature will make it even easier for you, especially when you’re moving. Preferably on water. Again, lesser so in air….if you still struggle I urge you to blame the size, colour, fitting characteristics and smell of the boat…it’s definitely one of them!!

On that note, the boat is Yellow. Mango is a fruit, not a colour. I refuse to tell people this boat is Mango in colour!

However if the boat was mango then here are the benefits:
– Prevents Cancer
- Lowers Cholesterol
- Clears the skin (‘the’ skin? Wtf?)
- Eye health,
- Alkalizes the whole body
- Helps Diabetes
- Improved s£x (you’d need me for that to be honest, but there’s no chicks in this sport and those wanted an XL boat are not my type…when I’m sober…ish…loosely speaking)
- Improves Digestion…(that’s just a rumour, and that should be for exit only!)
- Remedy for heat stroke
- Boosts immune system (like every other fruit ever).

The boat is £600. This part is fact.

The boat is currently based near Aviemore. I am not currently based near Aviemore. Although I am nearer to Aviemore than you….if you live abroad.
I can’t post photos of the boat here but if you go on to http://www.google.com type in “Prijon Pure XL” in to the search section. Then click images at the top, look for the Mango coloured, I mean Yellow coloured boats. They’re mine. Honestly!

I think I’ve covered everything. I’ve been told previously I’m too succinct and direct in my approach and never finish what I’m trying to say.

If you interested please contact me on 0
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yurper
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Re: Buy it

Post by yurper »

Brilliant :D

J.
Get busy living or get busy dying...
Pain is glory

Jonah...
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Joined: Fri Apr 13, 2012 6:46 am

Re: Buy it

Post by Jonah... »

This has to be the best advert I've ever seen, I want it even though I know I don't...

Truly a boat and ad made by carlsberg...

Jonah

Jonah...
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Re: Buy it

Post by Jonah... »

I've just re-read this... Can I put a link on my Facebook? Lol

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SwamP
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Re: Buy it

Post by SwamP »

Jonah... wrote:I've just re-read this... Can I put a link on my Facebook? Lol
I’m not sure how to answer this polite request.
I fear from experience, that an influx of online attention could result in me becoming sponsored by Blue Heifer again.


As innocent and positive a thing as this could be I would need to give real consideration as to the prerequisites of being a sponsored, UK based, weekend warrior:

• Can I afford a super awesome boat (that breaks)for 20% knocked off the RRP?
• Can I get away with calling UK G5s, G4; then walking round them when no one is looking?
• Can I afford the time and/or money to host 3 websites, 4 facebook pages?
• Giving me and my camp’ing, I mean expedition pals a super cool team name?
• Designing a team logo?
• Getting embroidered outdoor clothing to go shopping in Sainsburys with, so the checkout girl knows that I’m part of Team Poo Pumper…”yeeeow biatch that’s right! Reeeeesssspekk!” (then I flick my fingers at her)
• Matching crash helmets?
• Releasing my deck implosion device. It’s a banana shaped piece of wood that goes from your mid seat up to where the deck goes on, however it sits about 4 inches higher than the cockpit rim thus making deck imposions impossible here, in our huge volume, UK rivers. I call it the Mr Burgundy.
• Then there’s the holidays, dammit, I meant expeditions!!! I’d need to go to places that weren’t Benidorm. In fact I’d maybe have to book a completely different aeroplane than Ryanayr or Easygit. Food couldn’t be MacDonalds either and I’d have to explain who I was in the supermarket in case they hadn’t heard of Team Poo Pumper….hold on, what if there are no SUPERmarkets and I’m faced with just a ‘market’…
• Ok, then I’ll video the G3 and the significantly harder G3+ that we paddle. If it looks at all like G4, then I’ll slow it down in the edit. Especially if a team member other than myself makes a real mess of it. Clearly needs a bigger boat, or a mango one….YELLOW YELLOW YELLOW!!!!!
• Then when I come home I’ll invite some people to my mates gaff and tell them about these non super markets and show them photos of a plane with a different name. I really hope there’s someone who isn’t white on this expedition, if not I’ve got a mate who knows a darker skinned chap, he’ll pose for a pic holding a paddle I guess.
• And I’ll enter kayak events. Because organised masses on a river controlled by a man made dam is exactly what we need
• Then I’ll shout really loudly about a dam being built on a river in a completely different continent, where the last problem they have is some concrete being poured!
• If all else fails I’ll video everything always and sit for 300 hours in a dark room, online, with the door locked, and some hankies, making a serious kayak video to get an extra 10% off my boat.

I suppose you could post this on FB, because surely NO ONE EVER DOES ANY OF THE ABOVE!!!!!

Oh, wait wait, I forgot to say the standard, ‘but each to their own’ two thumbs up signature.

*Mr Burgundy coming soon. Team PP accept no responsibility for nob or flap skelfs.
Lets not try to understand each other. Thanks.

Jonah...
Posts: 28
Joined: Fri Apr 13, 2012 6:46 am

Re: Buy it

Post by Jonah... »

Well I've had the embroidery done and looked into the team website and I think if you're set on poo pumpers that the website has gone, but I've got some brilliant water to walk around and in fact have walked around or swam so of the best water I've never filmed.

Can I be your southern pp expedition team member.

Jonah

Jonah...
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Re: Buy it

Post by Jonah... »

P.s. I don't like camping, clamping, super markets, hyper markets or paddling anything above flat water.... Although I don't think this will hinder my performance too much..

Jonah

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Mark Gawler
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Re: Buy it

Post by Mark Gawler »

Jonah... wrote:I've just re-read this... Can I put a link on my Facebook? Lol
That's what the "Like" button near the top of the page is for!
Mark Gawler

hogboy
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Re: Buy it

Post by hogboy »

I almost wish I could buy the boat......

great post

Conrad

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Liquid_Euan
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Re: Buy it

Post by Liquid_Euan »

You Sir, are a hero!

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SwamP
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Re: Buy it

Post by SwamP »

Liquid_Euan wrote:You Sir, are a hero!
I Sir, can tilt the angle of a photograph and crop the bottom of waterfalls off, thus making rapids look more difficult than they actually are..ergo I am indeed A HERO!!!

Plus I must be, the guy in the mirror shouts it at me every single morning! Yeah baby!

(Ok first sentence actually happens regularly, second sentence I'm just guessing)

:-P
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SwamP
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Re: Buy it

Post by SwamP »

Image

Image

Image

Fotees
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Philseccy
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Joined: Mon Jul 23, 2012 11:07 am

Re: Buy it

Post by Philseccy »

All those words and all that fuss to describe that little thing! Is it used to paddle out to a moored full sized kayak? :0)
As for the Mango or yellow, only way to tell if its one or the other is lick it, if it tastes of Umbongo its Mango.
Hope this helps.

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SwamP
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Re: Buy it

Post by SwamP »

Hold on, are you suggesting that too much monotonous opinion has been exclaimed in a single direction about a hobby craft, which in essence is a banana shaped floaty thing which with further opinion on how it floats in an environment whereby it can?

And how dare you patronise the endowment of this banana shaped floaty thing; I’ll have you know that when hauling this beast through the mountainous trails of West Lothian you’ll be thankful that it’s not bigger. There’s such a thing as too big you know!!

To further educate you, you should know that by merely sitting in this boat I can ensure that it is regarded above all other boats, purely because it belongs to a team Poo Pumper team member!!! (ahemStompercoughcough)

Alas I shall not take the opinion of an individual who does not know his juice…
UmBungo is clearly the drink of African expeditioneers who enjoy the delights of passion fruit with their PALs (Personal Ar$e Lickers), where by Mango is clearly enjoyed more by our South American floaters who like the mango, he like de mango, we like de mango woooh oh oh.

Anyway, boat sold…

Later chumps!
SMD - Ron Jeremy
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banzer
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Re: Buy it

Post by banzer »

Nice work R
A. Boater wrote:It's all Pierre's fault
www.neviscanoes.co.uk

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