Your best kayaking putdowns

Inland paddling

Your best kayaking putdowns

Postby David Fairweather » Tue Mar 06, 2012 6:48 pm

With the Dee River Festival Talk Battle looming large, I'm looking forward to some top quality insults, stories, and adventure-based freestyle banter being thrown about.

What are the best put downs you folk have heard on the river?
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Postby DaveBland » Tue Mar 06, 2012 6:50 pm

"Bland, you're shit" is pretty frequently heard.
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Postby Bryn_420 » Tue Mar 06, 2012 7:07 pm

What's that guy from friends called....


David SWIMMER!!!
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Postby DButler » Tue Mar 06, 2012 7:26 pm

Oh my God. I can't believe you're a pro, I'm so much better than you.
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Postby TheKrikkitWars » Tue Mar 06, 2012 8:24 pm

Best used at the moment that someone looks really pleased with themselves: "Well you made it down, but I don't think anyone could say you styled that..."
ONE BLADE, ONE LOVE

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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Postby clarky999 » Tue Mar 06, 2012 8:33 pm

You swam out of a creeker on a man-made slalom course?? :O
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Postby mitch » Tue Mar 06, 2012 8:40 pm

Do you know who you're up against?
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Postby Randy Fandango » Tue Mar 06, 2012 9:04 pm

You could use an old classic: listen to what they have to say and then agree that they were both original and good.
Then point out that sadly the good points weren't original and the original points weren't good.
Boom boom.....
Giles :-)
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Postby Tom_Laws » Tue Mar 06, 2012 10:13 pm

The only brown you stomped is the dog crap you trod in on your way here.

I heard they call you Rush.... because you are finished quickly.

Starting to worry Dave? Don't worry, you'll be AMAZING.
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Postby David Fairweather » Tue Mar 06, 2012 10:34 pm

I can't wait. It's going to be like 8 Mile, right here in Llangollen.
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Postby Dave Manby » Tue Mar 06, 2012 11:24 pm

Ask Simon Westgarth about doing a lecture at London River Rats when it was at its best! All his newly learned Californian boater talk went down .......... you fill in the dots. In its day some of the best put downs I have heard or suffered were there.
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Postby Dave T » Tue Mar 06, 2012 11:42 pm

Now listen love...
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Postby Simon Westgarth » Tue Mar 06, 2012 11:59 pm

Dave Manby wrote:Ask Simon Westgarth about doing a lecture at London River Rats when it was at its best! All his newly learned Californian boater talk went down .......... you fill in the dots. In its day some of the best put downs I have heard or suffered were there.


Tom Law's can easily relate, as I told some chaps, after a little too much banter, I informed then that the Year 8 kids I had for Chemistry were some what funnier than they were, they were kind of quiet afterwards.
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Postby peakfreak » Wed Mar 07, 2012 12:00 am

Dave T wrote:Now listen love...

Coffee on keyboard. This will haunt Rick forever :-))
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Postby Canoe_princess » Wed Mar 07, 2012 12:31 am

"Whats the matter princess?" to an alpha male whose arse is nipping at the sight of a drop he has been saying is 'barely grade 3' all day.
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Postby Jonny Briggs » Wed Mar 07, 2012 8:48 am

Your kayak is ashamed of what it's become.
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Postby nutterboy » Wed Mar 07, 2012 6:10 pm

some folk are embarrassed by their boat. your boat is embarrassed by you
temperature is a state of mind
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Postby Bob Flanagan III » Wed Mar 07, 2012 6:16 pm

Is it even worth you getting in that boat as that is just one more item you'll want us to rescue?
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Postby morsey » Wed Mar 07, 2012 7:25 pm

Nice Pungo!
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Postby Kayakingrick » Wed Mar 07, 2012 7:28 pm

Isn`t this a form of bullying, that everyone is trying to discourage?
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Postby DaveBland » Wed Mar 07, 2012 8:00 pm

Kayakingrick wrote:Isn`t this a form of bullying, that everyone is trying to discourage?


Ah, shut up or I'll beat you up.
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Postby steve4746 » Wed Mar 07, 2012 8:16 pm

My personal favourite,

You need to remove your penis and hand it back in to the man department!

Or the old classic,

How can I soar like an Eagle when I'm surrounded by Turkeys!!

Steve.
its all character building!!
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Postby nomorfkindhalbhat » Wed Mar 07, 2012 8:43 pm

I can see your a great paddler.......................................................But unfortunatly no one has bothered to tell the river.

Dave Manby wrote:Ask Simon Westgarth about doing a lecture at London River Rats when it was at its best! All his newly learned Californian boater talk went down .......... you fill in the dots. In its day some of the best put downs I have heard or suffered were there.


Was at that lecture and can confirm it was one of the funniest nights ever, Mr westgarths ego against river rats seasoned hecklers, but have to give Simon his due here and at the end of the night you,d probably have to call it a draw !
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Postby callum s » Wed Mar 07, 2012 10:06 pm

"There is a can of 'Man the F**k Up' in the back of my boat if you want?"
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Postby roo » Wed Mar 07, 2012 10:45 pm

Kayakingrick wrote:Isn`t this a form of bullying, that everyone is trying to discourage?


Do I say this before they get on and mess the line up OR afterwards?

Pow, Pow, Pow :-)
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Postby David Foley » Wed Mar 07, 2012 11:00 pm

I see your boat has been trained well...
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Postby powereduppackman » Wed Mar 07, 2012 11:31 pm

After a very long day where Paddler A refused to walk anything and kept getting nailed on every rapid. Paddler B was boarder line hypothermic as snow flakes the size of two pound coins fell in the Etive valley and a cold Scottish wind blew. Paddler B is not known for his sympathy...

Paddler A: What's the line on this one?
Paddler B: It doesn't matter, you're just going to $%&£ it up again!

I'm neither paddler and cannot condone this attitude obviously....but it was funny.

- Chris.
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Postby Rdscott » Wed Mar 07, 2012 11:50 pm

I was once told of you cant find your ownline dont paddle the rapid.(onlyon hard stuff where everyone is peers)

Your helmet has more scratches than the bottom of your boat you seem to forget where your head and your arse are.
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Postby eeonz » Thu Mar 08, 2012 12:37 am

Nice line. Want to run it again, in your boat?
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Re: Your best kayaking putdowns

Postby Ken » Thu Mar 08, 2012 9:20 am

On a slightly different note, from a friend of mine.......

"Don't tell me how to swim, I'm a ******* expert!"
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