Relief on t'sea: PoorPlanningProducesPissPoorPerformance

[journeyman]

We've recently had an interesting discussion on the forum regarding toilet tips/etiquette while on the land.

What about the (painful) problem of relieving yourself on the sea? (Without the obvious pissing ones self and smelling like some incontinent old fart at the bar after paddling)

It's never really cropped up before (even during 6hr paddles.)

This weekend I got caught short an hour and a half from land fall, and found a distinct lack of practice adjusting the angle of the dangle, to defy gravity, a major problem. This resulted, firstly in denial and trying to put it to the back of my mind, and then became a very uncomfortable, gradually accelerating paddle towards land.

I had a bottle ready for use but when I actually had to come to use it, I hadn't actually practiced going through the motions of doing the motions so to speak, and found it very difficult to sort the problem.
Access was a major issue.

Any advice/experience will make me gratefully relieved.

(I haven't yet even contemplated no 2's).

[CaptainSensible]

It suddenly occured to me that I could pee into cockpit whilst paddling and use my electric pump to get rid of it (I have a drain bung for my cockpit that allows me to operate the [powerful] pump with spraydeck on... no sucky sucky).

Thanks for that... not...

[DJM]

I take a strong plastic food bag (no holes). Empty over side when finnished !!
Shows the necessity of a relief zip on dry suits/trousers.
Ah bliss :)

[Mark R]

I use the 'up and over' method.

- Lag towards back of group.
- Whip deck off.
- Unzip fly.
- Whip out Mr Floppy.
- Aim high and build up a good head of steam ...
- ...and release flow.

It's possible to do all of this whilst keeping one hand on the paddle. Works in more or less all conditions and weathers.

[MikeB]

I'm sorry, this is all really much more detail than we need. If I ever paddle with Mr Rainsley (unlikely I know), and note him lagging, I most certainly won't be checking he's ok - - - -

Mike.

[Mikebelluk]

I had a good laugh at that!

Eurion, get a supply of extra thick rubber johnnies, and slip one on when you next get the urge, then tie a knot in it, take it home and pour the contents on your compost heap. Works wonders allegedly.
Please don't chuck it in the oggin, as it'll wash up on the beach near me.

[Skerry Packer]

If the angle of the dangle is a problem raft up and sit on rear deck or turn sideways to use a container. If on your own then taping a Texas catheter on could solve the problem. They are like condoms with a tube and end spigot and am sure can still be bought at Chemist shops.
Tape on, stuff tube inside relief zip until it's time to go then it's out with the tube, off with the spigot and away you go but restrict the flow or the tube might not handle it, the urine that is.
A bit extreme but it does work.
Or you could drink less and sweat more.
Gerry

[DJM]

[img][img]http://i420.photobucket.com/albums/pp282/Daggergt/Lundy115.jpg[/img]

Sample anyone?

My mate got caught on way to Lundy a few years back

Plastic bag works a treat

Dave

[CCL]

Honestly, I was under the illusion that peeing afloat was quite simple for you boys!

Being female on the other hand...... ;)

[Douglas Wilcox]

[img][img]http://i420.photobucket.com/albums/pp282/Daggergt/Lundy115.jpg[/img]

We could have a spot the goldfish competition.

Douglas

[journeyman]

That goldfish picture made me smile! Same thought crossed my mind.

Shows the necessity of a relief zip on dry suits/trousers.
Ah bliss :)

- Unzip fly

The biggest flaw in my planning has to be the lack of a fly or zip.
Having all dressed up for immersion, it was easy to forget about an easy extraction.
I'm well impressed with Marks descriptive effort though.
Would you do that with or without holding an edge?

Or you could drink less and sweat more.
Gerry

This was the factor for getting caught short in the first place.

I had regulated the water intake at the same rate as a normal hot day, being concerned about dehydration creeping up on me with an expected warm day ahead, but it didn't get hot enough. Something to bear in mind next time.



The sun didn't break out until we landed. Not sure why Hywel was wearing sunglasses.
I blame the weather.

[wave skier]

Eurion,
I hope you realise that you are going to be asked to leave your chapel if the minister gets to hear of this!! Peeing in public is one thing,discussing it in public is something else! Whatever next.
Harry.
See you Thursday.

[scotty]

Any plans for relief on water if a number 2 is required,could mark fire this over the side too?

[journeyman]

See you Thursday.

H
Give you 3 guesses what I might be practicing !!
:)

[Mikebelluk]

I think you should publish a new magazine on this subject.



You could call it 'Ocean Piddler'

[CaptainSensible]

Issue #1 contents : OP sponsored expedition to the Yellow Sea

[journeyman]

Guys stop taking the p**s, this is a serious issue :)

Gerry
Thanks for the technical name, have now managed to find a supplier of texas catheters.

Scotty, on the issue of no 2's, I recall that Patrick Winterton uses a roller paint tray. (Don't expect he'll post instructions) Alternative method is to chemically block-up as Paul Caffyn did around a section of Oz.

There was also reference to Ollie Saunders' technique in a recent OP issue, but that is hardly dressing for immersion.

Perhaps I should start paddling a folding krapper kayak.

[journeyman]

The name of a chemical blocker to slow down your system is Lomotil (Co-phenotrope)

[tizereyes]

I use the 'up and over' method.

- Lag towards back of group.
- Whip deck off.
- Unzip fly.
- Whip out Mr Floppy.
- Aim high and build up a good head of steam ...
- ...and release flow.

It's possible to do all of this whilst keeping one hand on the paddle. Works in more or less all conditions and weathers.

Oh god, I'm looking forward to the weekend so much more now.

[draddogjd]

I use the 'up and over' method.

- Lag towards back of group.
- Whip deck off.
- Unzip fly.
- Whip out Mr Floppy.
- Aim high and build up a good head of steam ...
- ...and release flow.

It's possible to do all of this whilst keeping one hand on the paddle. Works in more or less all conditions and weathers.

Surely the problem arises that when there is not much volume/pressure left you're going to get wet??

[YvonneB]

For gentlemen there is something called a Conveen (not sure of spelling) which is something like the Texas catheter described above. A less invasive alternative to a catheter. Mind you there is enough faff surrounding getting ready for a paddle already I would have thought. For ladies there is apparently an extension available for the Shewee, mark you I cant quite get my head around the shewee as it is without a great long tube attaached to it

[Dave Thomas]

... mark you I cant quite get my head around the shewee as it is ...

??

[stripper]

I'm told he carries an assortment of polished pebbles for number 2's!

[Strad]

Hhmmm, so should there be an additional pipe added to 007's electric bilge pump??

http://www.ukriversguidebook.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?t=43002&sid=fb64459bb9f64404369adf8d6a90b375

[waltfos]

I use the 'up and over' method.

- Lag towards back of group.
- Whip deck off.
- Unzip fly.
- Whip out Mr Floppy

From behind seat retrieve Nanglene bottle with a big P inked on side [for obvious reasons] £1.99 ALDI push bottle up to Mr floppy insert or she wee lean forward do business remove tackle screw on top on place behind seat to dispose of later. Also used for ensuite loo in tent in the wee sma hours, tricky bit retrieving gear and putting lid back on believe me

Or if got pump on board do business in boat put water in cock pit so pump can work then flush. Easy so long as you not got kit in footwell. I had to do this with my son once after he went for a swim and he needed the toilet as the chill of the water got to his trigger bits we only got him back into the boat spray deck on and it was hey Dad Hey Dad I need the toilet, He did not want to do it us humans you would think we all are bashful

Keep shoogling

[geyrfugl]

Its really a matter of advance planning. Don't overdo the coffee at
breakfast (much more than two pints is asking for trouble later), do
have a pee before putting on, and practice. As a veteran of various intercontinental flights (including places like New Zealand) and never
found the need to use an aircraft toilet, I can't really see why anyone
would have a problem up to about fifteen hours ... and flights would be
cheaper if they didn't put loos on planes, just more seats instead !

As a result, I have no useful advice on technique, but suggest that a
drysuit with no relief option is a useful self-enforcement aid :-)

Andy

[soundoftheseagull]

This made me smile today!
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/1983104/h ... id_of_him/
A tad related but certainly an option other than when paddling, enjoy.

[TechnoEngineer]

Any plans for relief on water if a number 2 is required,could mark fire this over the side too?

Use a sh!t-on-top :P

[journeyman]

Use a sh!t-on-top :P

Surfing in a SOT . . .
That would put a whole new meaning to a wipe out :(

[Mike Marshall]

I use an old cycling drinks bottle to pee in when gliding. It is a position similar to kayaking except a little more prone.
The major problem is stopping in mid flow :-)

I lost 4000 ft one day in a wave flight having a pee. I drifted out of the lift and downwind whilst filling the bottle.

A lot of modern gliders actually have a pee tube fitted. (Nice to have your own glider eh?)

I think it was Mold that had the benefit of salty rain later that day :-)

MikeM