The Big Ted Piper Thread

[banzer]

Who hasn't been paddling with Ted, or with someone that has?

There's a theory by some geneologist that you can connect everyone in the world in 6 steps. Well, I reckon every paddler in the UK has either been boating with Ted- the international kayaking man of mystery, the hitman of Hurley- or has boated with someone that has. And I reckon every boater in the world could be connected in three steps.

As if anyone doesn't know, here he is:


So own up, where have you paddled with Ted. If you have no idea who he is, name someone you have paddled with that has 'been around a bit' and I'll bet they have. For starters, anyone that has paddled with Chuck, Rob, FJF or myself (the trip in the photo) counts!

Rich.

[jon a]

Amongst other places:

The Ottawa


The Lachine


I know that others from York have been to Italy with Ted too.

J

[newkid]

I went on 3 trips, each time Ted was (unexpectedly) in the campsite when I arrived: Ottawa, Sjoa and Val Sesia

So I think you might be right!

Phil

[Dom c]

I've paddled with Ted in Canada - Ottawa and Lachine, Norway, New zealand, England and hopefully many more countries to come once he earns some money..
:-)

[Scumbag_Scout]

I met him for the first time at Hurley on Sunday.

[vagabond]

Ted came to my gaff before he started his mystery lifestyle...still owes me a good set of splits(heheheehhehehe) and a norway guide book the rascal. Ive only ever seen him once on the water though. I believe that all the talk of him boating is pure myth. As for the photos above..Well I doubt that they all of Ted. " Whilst the greatest trip the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didnt exist." Ted has convinced the world that he does exist.

[Bod]

Me thinks Banzer might be right. I don't think I have ever met Ted Piper but have paddled with Dom C, so I am only 1 step away.

[morsey]

Oh dear, I have been trying to put this far from my thoughts, but no it had to come back to the forefront! Minding my own business in Sjoa (drinking beer with some fine Irish gentlemen in a car park--I aint no pikey honest guv!) I was accosted by Ted and DomP who were dressed as ladies, and not pretty ladies at that. It was a horrible experience, worse even than that time when the glass jar smashed and I found it was just plasticine molded to create the illusion. Ted was basically using his lady charms to entice unsuspecting victims, and well, after two weeks of nothing but Moose to fuel the passion I do have to confess to thinking that Ted was pretty fit, but my gosh didn't she just know it!

[peakfreak]

My name is PeakFreak and I... I... I... I've paddled with Ted! There I said it, I feel so much better now, it's like a huge weight off my shoulders.
I even got his 2007 WWPF ticket for him and hadn't even met him before, such is the power of the Tedster ;-)

[Scuba Dave]

I met Ted in Norway in the summer of 2007:

[ol]

I sold him a big red Dagger Nomad once, it was a wonderful experience :-)

[Poke]

I sold him a big red Dagger Nomad once, it was a wonderful experience :-)

I once paddled with Ted in said red Dagger Nomad. Probably in the Lakes, but I also bumped into the man himself in Corsica a couple of years back too.

[Rhod]

I had booked an assesment in Fort William the end of October half term 2005. As I had the week to play with I decided to get the train up a week early to get some quality boating in. Trouble was I couldn't find anyone to paddle with.

I had no plan beyond that the train would stop at the morrisons car park, and that there was always loads of boaters there. I would find somewhere to stay, then people to paddle with. I hitched a lift to Roybridge with some paddlers that had spare roof space (thanks again!), Ted was staying at the bunkhouse and kindly let me tag along on his boating for the week (thanks again!).

Mwchos fun had that week.

Anyone who knows me is one step away from Ted.

[Ryan P]

Random, Exciting, Confusing yet funny.

Yes my experiences of this chap remind me very much of a Chinese circus; you don't want a bear cycling a childs bike to affect you in a positive way..but it does.

[otherted]

I have paddled a few rivers with Ted Piper in the lakes and I'm sure the upper swale. Top chap...and an excellent name Ted

[C1BEN]

I first met International playboy Ted 'the' Piper on set for the cult classic The Big Wet Naked Huck. His suspicious lack of tanlines were sought after.

[Eva Fegford]

Myself and some friends were on holiday in Scotland a couple of years ago in November. We had booked a lovely big house in the shadow of Ben Nevis.
One evening just before we sat down for dinner Ted ,uninvited, and a friend of his called Pierre came in and settled in front of the fire and tried to make themselves very much at home because they vaguely knew one of our group.They even tried to helpthemselves to beer out of the fridge and were fully expecting to be invited to join us for dinner.
They were very promptly told where they could go.
I don't think I've ever met two more immediately objectionable freeloaders in my life.

[Ryan P]

One evening just before we sat down for dinner Tom ,uninvited, and a friend of his called Pierre came in and settled infront of the fire.

I don't think I've ever met two more immediately objectionable freeloaders in my life.

Did they know Ted?

[Eva Fegford]

One evening just before we sat down for dinner Tom ,uninvited, and a friend of his called Pierre came in and settled infront of the fire.

I don't think I've ever met two more immediately objectionable freeloaders in my life.

Did they know Ted?

OOPS
I of course meant Ted not Tom.

[mileshill540]

He's even got his own thread now! I paddled and climbed with him a lot in NZ, very enjoyable to! So where has he been, well as far as I can work out Nepal, NZ, Norway (many times) Italy, Madagasga. anyone else care to add to the list?

[James Hartley]

I have been paddling for many years, and have NEVER met him or know of anyone who has paddled with/met/dated/slept with said Ted piper!

[Ryan P]

If you have £5 and Ted Piper has £5, Ted Piper has more money than you.
There is no 'ctrl' button on Ted Piper's computer. Ted Piper is always in control.
Apple pays Ted Piper 99 pence every time he listens to a song.
Ted Piper can sneeze with his eyes open.
Ted Piper can eat just one pringle.
Ted Piper is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
Ted Piper destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Ted Piper can kill two stones with one bird.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Ted Piper.
Ted Piper doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Ted Piper has allowed to live.
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Ted Piper.
Ted Piper does not sleep. He waits.
Ted Piper is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Ted Piper is the reason why Wally is hiding.
Ted Piper counted to infinity - twice.
When Ted Piper does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Ted Piper can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
Ted Piper doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
Ted Piper can slam a revolving door.
Ted Piper does not get frostbite. Ted Piper bites frost
Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
Contrary to popular belief, the UK is not a democracy, it is a Ted'tatorship.

This is the best thread ever!

[James Hartley]

If you have £5 and Ted Piper has £5, Ted Piper has more money than you.
There is no 'ctrl' button on Ted Piper's computer. Ted Piper is always in control.
Apple pays Ted Piper 99 pence every time he listens to a song.
Ted Piper can sneeze with his eyes open.
Ted Piper can eat just one pringle.
Ted Piper is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
Ted Piper destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Ted Piper can kill two stones with one bird.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Ted Piper.
Ted Piper doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Ted Piper has allowed to live.
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Ted Piper.
Ted Piper does not sleep. He waits.
Ted Piper is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Ted Piper is the reason why Wally is hiding.
Ted Piper counted to infinity - twice.
When Ted Piper does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Ted Piper can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
Ted Piper doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
Ted Piper can slam a revolving door.
Ted Piper does not get frostbite. Ted Piper bites frost
Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
Contrary to popular belief, the UK is not a democracy, it is a Ted'tatorship.

This is the best thread ever!

I am fairly sure they where all stolen unashamedly from FB and they used to have Chuck Noris' name in it instead o-O

[Mark R]

They're from the ineffable www.chucknorrisfacts.com

I have no idea who the guy is, but have a feeling that this thread could more or less be repeated verbatim with the words 'Dave Surman' inserted instead.

[Dom Pipe]

Some say he has magical powers!

[broadleyjn]

boated the whitcomb in nz with him

[meatballs]

Edit - 3 weeks on I've now met Ted Piper.

I've paddled with Banzer does that make me once removed?

[NickH]

Here's to the Statoil times Ted, and to anybody else who's been Weiner Melanged.

[Chris Lyon]

I've been wiener melanged by the man himself! (that's me in the yellow T)
I'f I was clever enough to post pictures I'd be able to post up a cross between Ben's and Scuba Dave's photo...
Cheerio

[Tea Boy Tom]

Some say Ted once beat a man to death with his own shoes...